Sleeper

Back in the eighties when I first came up to live in Scotland I was young enough to hold a Young Person’s Railcard. On a couple of occasions I took advantage of it to travel to London just to watch a football match. I seem to remember it only cost in the region of six quid for a day return. To qualify for that day return you had to board the train home before midnight and at the time British Rail ran a service called the Night Rider. Unlike the sleeper service the Night Rider just had normal carriages, not sleeping berths. The train progressed slowly northwards stopping at just about every station on the West Coast Main Line as far as Carlisle, where the electric locomotive was noisily replaced by a diesel which would then haul us at snail’s pace up the Dumfries and Kilmarnock line to Glasgow. The first time I rode it the carriages were old compartmental stock. I managed to get a compartment to myself where I could dim the lights, lie down and nod off, waking up at each of the hundred stops between Euston and Glasgow. The second time the carriages were old First Class mainline carriages. Worn hard by the bottoms of numerous fat cats over the previous years, they didn’t recline and the carriage was bathed in the type of light that penetrates even the tightest shut eyelid. Sleep was impossible. The journey took an eternity but it felt far longer than that. When I finally reached Glasgow Central, my ebb had sunk to the bottom of the Marianas Trench. It was brutal. The Night Rider stopped not long after my second trip which I’m sure made a distinct improvement to the suicide rate in both Glasgow and London.

But enough of the personal history lesson. Despite those bad experiences of overnight train travel I have for some time hankered to attempt it once more. Not on a seat of course, that would be masochistic, but on a proper sleeper service. Sleepers have operated between London and Scotland since 1873. In 1996 Scotrail took over the running of the service and named it the Caledonian Sleeper. In 2014 the franchise was awarded to Serco with the promise of major investment in the service. This was good news as one of the things that put me off using the sleeper was the old carriages. Cabins either contained one bed (First Class) or two bunk beds (Standard Class). Purchasing a single ticket in Standard Class meant you were likely to be buddied up with a stranger of the same sex which was a bit off putting. I mean I don’t, erm, snore and my farts smell of roses, honest, but I suspect the chances of being paired off with someone of a similarly pleasant nocturnal disposition were slim. I could have raided my piggy bank and gone for a First Class berth. Even that was unappealing. The cabins had a sink but there was always the niggling problem of what to do when you needed a wee in the middle of the night. There were lavatories at the end of the carriage but wandering down the corridor in your boxers didn’t seem quite right and bare feet in a train toilet is right out. You’d basically have to get dressed every time your bladder decided it had reached capacity. Then, in the morning, I do quite like to have a shower but a sink was all that was available to do one’s ablutions. Consequently I never experienced the old sleeper trains. Would the new ones be any better? Well, according to the hype put out by Caledonian Sleeper it was a big yes. There would be four choices of accommodation for the overnight services. At the bottom end of the scale was a seat. It may well be a comfy seat but it was a seat nevertheless. Sod that. The memories of the Night Rider have not yet faded. Going on a sleeper service meant reserving a place to sleep.

(If you are wondering where the photos are don’t worry, they are coming)

Of the three rooms available to book, the cheapest was the Classic Room. It has two bunk beds and a sink. Unlike the old Standard Class rooms you could book it for solo occupancy. There was still the problem of the nocturnal wee, however, and the thought that previous passengers may have opted to avoid the corridor walk and utilise the washbasin for that very purpose. It’s bound to have happened. Next up is the Club Room. Like the Classic it has two bunk beds but if you book solo occupancy more than a couple of days in advance the upper bed will be stowed. Crucially, the room has an en-suite and also affords you access to the Club Car, more of which later. At the very top end of the accommodation is the Caledonian Double where you are promised a double bed with a mattress made by the same company that supplies the Queen. Of course it has the en-suite and Club Car access too and it can also be booked for solo occupancy, though I suspect half or even all of the fun would be if you were sharing it with a suitably willing bedmate. Not exactly Mile High but a damn sight more comfortable than an aircraft lavatory I would have thought. Alas, such thoughts were not at the forefront of my mind as I was to be travelling solo on this trip so decided it would have to be the Club Room. The next thing to choose was precisely which service to use.

Caledonian Sleeper operate a service called the Lowland Sleeper. This departs London Euston and when it gets to Carstairs it splits. Half the train goes to Edinburgh, the other half to Glasgow. At the same time another Lowland Sleeper operates the service in the other direction. One of these would be the obvious candidate for me as Glasgow is the nearest terminus to where I live. The other service operated is, as you might have guessed, the Highland Sleeper. This departs Euston a bit earlier and proceeds to Edinburgh where the train splits into three. One heads north to Inverness, another to Aberdeen and the third trundles across to Glasgow and then takes the West Highland Line up to Fort William. The reverse services are of course offered too. The Fort William service was the longest in terms of time, taking nearly thirteen hours to complete the trip and had the bonus of being able to take breakfast as some stunning scenery passes by on one of the most scenic railways in the world. It wasn’t hugely more expensive than the ‘short’ hop to Glasgow so I decided to go for it. Fares vary according to demand and flexibility but my Club Room came in at £205, no refunds. The Classic Room was £170 so in effect I was paying £35 to have a shower, avoid using a communal lavatory and I got a free breakfast too so it was definitely worth it. The Caledonian Double would have been a whopping £395, in effect an extra £190 to sleep on the Queen’s mattress. A seat in the seating carriage was £53 by the way. No. Just no. Interestingly, if you were to share the rooms with someone the prices were £205 for the Classic, £250 for the Club and an eye-watering £470 for the Caledonian Double. Excuse the crudity here but it would have to be one hell of a shag to justify that outlay. Having obtained the ticket for a February Monday night I had then to make the logistical arrangements to ensure I was at London Euston by 21:15 that day and book a handy train from Fort William back to Troon after the scheduled sleeper arrival of 09:58. I swithered with the idea of flying down to London just to annoy Greta but decided that this was going to be a rail journey, just like Michael Portillo only without the silly trousers.

(Photos will be here soon…)

Then Storm Ciara happened. She brought mayhem to the rail network on the Sunday and whilst her anger had abated slightly on the Monday, the knock-on effects threatened to throw the mockers on my planned railway adventure. All the Caledonian Sleeper services on the Sunday night had been cancelled but they were hoping to run the trains on the Monday evening. More of a problem was that the West Coast mainline was closed due to flooding just north of Carlisle. All the Avanti West Coast services were cancelled up until the 13:40 departure from Glasgow. That was my train. It seemed likely it would be cancelled too but as I queued up for the replacement bus to Carlisle an Avanti train pulled in to Platform One. We got on it and it set off bang on time. All went well until we crossed the English border when we stopped. And waited. And waited. The flooding had been cleared but Network Rail had to test the line. This took a long time. We eventually set off again and finally pulled into Euston over two hours late. Thankfully I’d given myself three hours so as tiresome as the delay was it worked to my advantage – two fewer hours to kill in the hideous Euston Station and hopefully a full refund of the £93.50 I paid for my First Class ticket. A quick review of Avanti West Coast First Class: it’s exactly the same as the Virgin West Coast First Class it replaced last December. Same trains, same staff, probably the same menu. I guess that’s franchising for you. The only difference was the livery of the train and announcements which said Avanti West Coast instead of Virgin West Coast. I had a few minutes to have a look at the Avanti West Coast lounge at Euston – your Caledonian Sleeper Club ticket gives you access – before heading to Euston’s Platform One where the Highland Sleeper was waiting.

I must admit I was getting a wee bit excited by now. The train was huge, sixteen carriages long. My allocated room was Number 6 in Coach E. A member of the staff was standing by the door with a clipboard. I gave him my name and he had a look at his list, flipped over a couple of pages and told me my room had been changed to G5 a couple of carriages down. I found it, hopped on board and discovered the room conveniently situated between rooms 6 and 4. I opened the door and… Surely some mistake. G5 had a double bed and presumably the Queen’s mattress. I had been given an upgrade to a Caledonian Double! Maybe Mister Caledonian Sleeper employee had got it wrong. I wasn’t going back to him and tell him though as I’d probably been moved for operational reasons and if not why embarrass the guy? I had a quick look around but decided I’d discover what the room had to offer a bit later. Before then I went to discover the rest of the train. Quite a long walk down the platform got me to the front where I got the geeky photo of the Class 92 Electric locomotive stood resplendent in it’s Caledonian Sleeper livery. Normally a freight hauler, this and several other Class 92s are tasked with hauling the sleeper on the electrified sections of the route. Back on board the train I discovered two seating carriages and two Club Cars. One of each was allocated to the Inverness section of the train, the others to the Aberdeen section. What about Fort William though? Caledonian Sleeper have a little trick up their sleeve for that. In the meantime Fort William passengers in Club or Double would utilise the Aberdeen Club Car whilst those hardy types who had booked their £53 seat for the journey would be sharing the seating car with those going to Aberdeen. The correct Club Car discovered, I headed back to G5 just as the train was pulling out of Euston.

So what do you get for your £395 Caledonian Double? I tried to be rational despite only paying a little over half that amount for it. An understandably compact space for a start. Capacious it is not. Most of the space is taken up by the bed which can only just be described as a double. It is certainly big enough for one and probably big enough for two who like each other’s company and are not too fat. There’s a space beneath the bed to store a bag, a couple of hangers to hang stuff, a rather shallow sink, a retractable table underneath said sink, a couple of storage trays for your bits and pieces, plenty of sockets and USB ports and a control panel for the lights and room heating. The limited space was used well. A door led to the en-suite. On first inspection this had a wooden seat and a shower. However, the wooden seat lifted to reveal a toilet and a bog roll. It was emphasised that the toilet cover should be down when the shower was in use and if required you could sit on the cover whilst showering. Towels were stored in a string bag hanging on a hook in the en-suite. Best not to keep them there when you are showering. On the bed were three amenity kits for some reason. Squeezing the third person into the room would definitely be a bit of a push but I suspect the third bag was a bonus. The other two had identical toiletries, a bottle of water and a pack containing a bar of soap, eye mask and ear plugs. The third was a cloth bag containing the same toiletries only in bigger bottles. Whether or not it should have been there, that one came home with me.

As it wasn’t yet time to road test the room, I headed to the Club Car. This is described as the heart of the Caledonian Sleeper, a place to eat, drink and socialise with like minded people feeling smug that they aren’t flying Easyjet. Unless those like minded people are in the seating coach as they aren’t allowed in. If you are in a Classic Room you are allowed in as long as there is space otherwise you are confined to your billet for the entire journey, lavatory breaks notwithstanding. There’s usually space though. One side of the carriage has tables and seats, the other a peculiar saw tooth bench and bar stools. I half expected The Fabulous Baker Boys to pitch up with Michelle Pfeiffer sprawled on a Grand Piano but I’m guessing size constraints preclude it. I decided to eat there, purely for research purposes. The menu was suitably Scottish, prices were reasonable for onboard catering and the food actually looked quite good. I had the soup, some lentil and pepper concoction that was very pleasant though it’s flatulent effects mean I’d give it a miss if you are sharing your room with someone you like. The same could probably be said for my main course which, bearing in mind I was on the Highland Sleeper and heading for Fort William, I felt could only be the Haggis, Neeps and Tatties with a whisky cream sauce. It fitted the bill quite nicely. Many different Scotch whiskies are on offer but I’m not a fan so I plumped for a lager. A Scottish one mind you. As for the socialising aspect I didn’t partake, despite sharing the table with a bloke who plumped for the Macaroni Cheese and about five different whiskies. He was busy on his laptop – the on-board wifi was good – and I’m pretty useless at socialising with strangers when it gets down to it. Others in the carriage didn’t seem to be suffering from a similar lack of social skills. Fed, watered and passing Milton Keynes, I decided it was time to retire to G5 and the Queen’s Mattress.

Once ensconced in the room I did, for the first time ever, get undressed on a train. I pulled on my night attire (boxer shorts), brushed my teeth using the bottled water (the tap water was not suitable for drinking) and got in to bed. The bedding was lovely, as were the pillows. The mattress was comfortable enough but if I’m being honest I felt it was a bit thin considering it is the mattress of choice for the reigning monarch. Perhaps Her Majesty prefers just a tad of discomfort to feel more at one with her subjects. Maybe she should be told that most of her subject sleep on thicker mattresses. Anyway, it was a minor complaint and overall it felt very comfortable. I read a bit before deciding it was time to put the bed to the ultimate test. Well, almost the ultimate test. It was time to try and sleep. I pulled the window blind down and turned the lights off. It didn’t go pitch black. There was a light in the en-suite that remained on and was seeping out through the door jamb. Also, the control panels various switches were illuminated and these cast out far more photons than you might think, bathing the room in a dim cyan glow. That’s why there’s an eye mask in the amenity kit I thought. I don’t like eye masks though so decided that shutting my eyes might be sufficient. I drifted off to sleep. I woke up again. I drifted off once more. I woke up again. This pattern continued until 04:30 when I had a peek outside and discovered we were at Edinburgh’s Waverley Station. I had slept on and off but the quality of the sleep wasn’t very good. There were two reasons for this. The motion of the train is surprisingly jerky. It was like being on a plane going through light to moderate turbulence. I later spoke to a steward who said that the old carriages had a more gentle rocking motion which some people found aided rather than hindered sleep. Despite the new stock being thirty years newer than the old, the ride quality is noticeably worse. This also added to the second problem which was the noise. The normal noises concerned with train operation are not suppressed and are joined by assorted rattles and creaks brought about by the jerky motion of the carriage. I tried the ear plugs included in the amenity kit. Not a single decibel was kept from my tympanic membrane by those green bits of putty so they were quickly cast aside. At Waverley the carriages for Inverness and Aberdeen were uncoupled from the Fort William carriages which had kept them separate on the journey up from London. A new Club Car and Seating carriage was attached – presumably those seated passengers to Fort William had to hang around on the platform whilst the new coach manoeuvred in to position – and after what seemed quite a long time we pulled out of Edinburgh heading west. I decided that it would be a good time to try and get a bit more sleep. This was much more successful. I believe this might have been down to the fact the train went significantly slower so it didn’t rattle about as much. Or perhaps I was just tired. I woke up at 07:30. We had just left Helensburgh High and were heading up the side of the Gareloch. We were on the West Highland Line and the inky light of dawn was beginning to illuminate the countryside. This is why I decided to take the Highland Sleeper to Fort William rather than the Lowland Sleeper to Glasgow.

Before I could enjoy the scenery I had to road test the en-suite facilities. The toilet worked well, that’s all I have to say on that particular matter, and with the wooden cover very firmly down I turned on the shower. A power shower it wasn’t. The water dribbled out at a leisurely pace and despite it being at its maximum setting, the temperature never rose above tepid. I could live with the low pressure but the lack of heat was a bit disappointing. It wasn’t a place to linger but perhaps that is just as well as I might have missed some of the wondrous sights that were passing by outside the window. Dried and dressed I headed to the Club Car for breakfast. It wasn’t there. It took me a while to realise that the one I’d been in for dinner was now at approaching Aberdeen and the new one that had been attached at Edinburgh was in the other direction. I found it and noticed I had a reserved table with my name on it and everything. I was impressed. Breakfast is ordered when you board the train and I’d plumped for the Highland Breakfast as I thought it was as appropriate as the haggis had been the night before. It duly arrived and I enjoyed a splendid breakfast as we climbed up the imposing Rannoch Moor. I’ve been on the West Highland Line before. Perhaps the best time to go is in the autumn thanks to the russet and ochre colours that cast the Highlands in a glorious light. However, the monochrome of winter is almost as impressive as we passed from clear skies to snow showers and mountains tops lost in the mist. Rannoch Moor itself was for a while in almost white out conditions but the fifty year old Class 73 which had hauled us from Edinburgh took it all in its stride whilst we watched in awe from the comfort of our air conditioned carriage. I say ‘we’, there was just four or five passengers in the Club Car. It seemed a bit of a waste of one of the train’s best resources. They say it’s the most beautiful train ride in the world. There’s other trains that might dispute that claim but by golly it’s good. As the train passed Ben Nevis I headed back to G5 where I packed up and we pulled into Fort William forty minutes late.

There’s a Caledonian Sleeper lounge in Fort William that can be used by arriving passengers who had travelled in the Club and Double rooms. I had a Tunnocks Teacake there before walking down the high street and back just to stretch the legs. It was cold and damp. The Scotrail service to Glasgow left an hour or so after I’d arrived. Whilst that train was hardly as luxurious as the one that had delivered me to Fort William, the views were the same and I simply sat and enjoyed them through the rather grubby window. Four hours later I was hoofing it from Queen Street to Central to board another train home. By the time I got there I’d spent 25 of the previous 29 hours on board trains. If the environmentalists are right I’m probably personally responsible for saving the planet.

Conclusion time: I really enjoyed the experience. It is something I’ve wanted to do for ages and I’m delighted I finally got the chance. Will the Caledonian Sleeper be my new favoured way of travelling between home and London? No. What was particularly good about the journey I made was waking up with three hours of the West Highland Line still to go. It was the journey itself that made it special. The novelty of sleeper travel would soon ware off if I was using it purely as a way to get from A to B. For a start it’s expensive, though I do get the argument that it could save you the cost of a night’s accommodation which at London prices makes the sleeper seem like a good deal. The Club Car is nice, the food is decent and the staff are very friendly but what you really want on a sleeper is a good night’s sleep. Being upgraded to the Caledonian Double should have given me the best chance of a decent slumber yet it didn’t really happen for me. The somewhat erratic motion and to a lesser extent the noise conspired to make it a rather restless night on the Queen’s mattress. Having said that, the line up to Inverness is rather nice…