Michelin Star

Those of you who know me will be well aware that over the years I have developed a classic case of middle aged spread. Whilst it is increasingly common these days, I’d much rather not have a belly that sticks out and I would be in denial if I were to ignore its existence. Some gentlemen get a beer belly after years of downing more than the recommended intake of alcohol but not me. My belly is down to eating more food than I needed over the course of my adult life. The thing is, whilst I like my food, I’d hardly describe myself as a foodie. I can get more pleasure out of a plate of banger and mash than something that has been concocted with the utmost culinary skills on programmes like Master Chef. Haute cuisine can be a work of art but where’s the substance? I’ve avoided Michelin Star restaurants for that very reason. It seems odd that the ultimate accolade for a restaurant is the award of one, two or even three stars by a French tyre company but those stars allow for those restaurants to charge top dollar for a huge plate upon which is placed a rather small amount of food. It might be visually appealing but whether or not it tastes good is surely subjective. I was in Berlin recently. German food tends to be no-nonsense stuff like sausages, sausages and more sausages. Berlin in particular likes to serve its sausage with a bland curry sauce. The hundreds of outlets that serve currywurst are hardly likely to be awarded a Michelin Star any time soon. Berlin is a big place though and it turns out there are twenty-three establishments that have been awarded one or two Michelin Stars this year. Great places for me to avoid then? Perhaps not…

My travel partner for this Berlin trip was my son Nicholas. He is a well travelled chap in his own right and a bit more adventurous than me when it comes to food. Not long back from Peru, even he couldn’t eat the guinea pig that was on offer but stated that the alpaca burger he tried was delicious. He has been known to splash quite a lot of money to eat at Michelin Star restaurants in various locations and was keen to try one of those twenty-three establishments in Berlin. I must admit I was a bit sceptical but a quick look at the menu of the one he had chosen suggested that there might be one or two things that I could eat. It might have been a case of knowing where the nearest burger joint was to cure the hunger that I was likely to be suffering from post meal but I told him to go ahead and make a reservation. The establishment was called Restaurant Bieberbau. The Bieber in question was not the much maligned Canadian ex-child star Justin but one Richard Bieber who, in the 1890s, was a master plasterer. The plasterwork is indeed quite spectacular once you’ve entered what is, from the outside, a rather unassuming restaurant amongst the residential apartment blocks in the suburb of Wimersdorf. We went in and were shown to our table. It was busy for a November Thursday evening – soon every table would be occupied. It seems some Berliners are not just satisfied with endless sausages. Whilst neat and tidy, there was nothing in particular to suggest the restaurant was grander than any other. The service was pleasant but quite informal. We were offered an aperitif. We chose something pink and fizzy which was a nice way to get things going.

We looked at the menu. There wasn’t a whole heap of choice. There were two fixed menus of five courses and that was it. You could choose three, four or all five courses and you could also mix and match from both menus. This was a bonus as, apparently, it’s not often you can do that in this type of place. Whilst we were deciding what to order we were brought an amuse bouche each. I maybe a bit naive but I’d never hear the term ‘amuse bouche’ before, though my rudimentary French translated it to ‘mouth amuser’. Ooer missus! A small hors d’oeuvre in effect, the chef had chosen to amuse our mouths with some savoury chopped vegetables on of all things a small meringue. Well, I for one was amused. We both plumped for five courses, made our menu choices and awaited the first course in anticipation. However, before it arrived we were presented with another amuse bouche! I’m not sure what it was but it reminded me of bhel poori, an Indian snack, only without the spices. For the first course which now technically was the third, we’d both plumped for the Pate of Flaming Venison. Apart from the wobbly fat that held it all together, it was delicious. Pate containing pate? Inspired! To accompany this we had been given a basket of various breads and something to spread on it which wasn’t butter. Nicholas is better informed than me and said it was pumpkin cream. Gosh! It was nice enough but I’m not ditching the Lurpak just yet. Two of the three types of bread passed muster though the other one was so full of seeds it was a bit like the stuff Elaine makes to feed the birds.

For the second course I chose the Soup of White Onions with Beef Tatar, Fine de Clair and Chervil. I’ve no idea what fine de clair is but I’m aware that beef tatar is raw beef. The soup itself had been whipped into a froth and being white looked a bit like a bowl of spit or, if you want to be a tad less gross, a vanilla milkshake. It tasted great though, even the bits of raw mince it contained. It must have been the fin de clair that made the difference though onion soup is usually pretty awesome anyway. Nicholas went for the trout which got the thumbs up. I really don’t like fish and although I did try a bit you’ll have to take his word for it. We accompanied our food with drinks that were quite reasonably priced. Nicholas went for red wine whilst I stuck with good old fashioned lager. I believe a lot of these restaurants charge a lot of money to do ‘wine pairing’ so top marks to Bieberbau for letting you wash their food down with whatever you fancied.

On to what you may describe as the main course. I felt I couldn’t go too far wrong with Bavette with Red Win Jus. The fact it was served with Brussels sprouts was a little concerning as no one in their right mind likes Brussels sprouts but basically we were talking meat and two veg here. Of course when we have meat and two veg normally, say a Sunday Lunch, the meat comes with a pile of roast potatoes as well as the veg but this was not a Toby Carvery. The two slices of beef flank were of course cooked to perfection, and that to me means very definitely not bleeding. A bit of raw beef in the soup was fine; I’d have been less than enamoured had my Bavette been prepared with only a cursory trip to the griddle. As for the veggies, well, the artichokes were good but the sprouts were sprouts and as such I had to push them to one side. There was also some green paste that it was all served on which was probably pea puree. It was ok but no substitute for the missing potatoes. It’s a good job for the Bieberbau that I’m not awarding Michelin Stars. Lack of potato would be a severe black mark. Red Wine Jus? It’s basically gravy, nice gravy but gravy nevertheless. I think I’d prefer it if they’d called it gravy but Michelin is French so I guess they’ve got to pamper to those Gallic types. Nicholas went for the Quail. He liked it but I think he would have preferred the beef.

The cheese course came next. Nicholas went for a rather conventional organic cheese collection. Several cheeses served with some carrot and pear concoction. I went for the Aged Jersey Gouda which was a bit of a revelation. Some croutons were covered in a cabbage slaw and then topped with grated cheese. It was fantastic. I don’t know if it was the aged Gouda or what but it had been a good call. With just the last course – dare I call it pudding? – to go, we were presented with coffee that looked like sump oil. It turns out it was meant for the table next to us so it was a little bonus. Well, I say bonus. I don’t drink coffee so Nicholas drank both of them. I’m not sure he would describe it as a bonus to be honest. I don’t think he slept for the following 36 hours. Before our pudding arrived we were served a pre-pudding. I’m not sure it counts as an amuse bouche but a mixture of pear, blackberry and vanilla amused my bouche very nicely. The ordered puddings subsequently arrived. We’d both gone for the Baked Apple with Zotter Chocolate served with bread ice cream. I have a sweet tooth so I felt I was going to be on to a winner with that. I was. Bread ice cream though? It was very good. Who’d have thought?

A little aperitif and some petit fours later and we were done. It had taken the best part of four hours which sounds a long time but was perfectly paced. Our five courses turned out to be nine with the amuse bouche, hors d’oeuvre, pre-pudding and petit fours, plus a replenished bread basket. It had indeed been small portions on big plates but overall there was more than enough food to satisfy my legendary hunger and the McDonalds contingency stop on the way back to the hotel was not required. The service was good, friendly and not over-pretentious. Will I be going to more Michelin Star restaurants in the future? Maybe. I enjoyed the experience which was, for me at any rate, a unique one. I also enjoyed the food far more than I’d expected. I don’t see myself becoming a foodie just yet though. We went to a burger restaurant a couple of day later where I enjoyed the food just as much. It was, however, a good burger joint. Michelin recommended.